♥ Beautiful Disastrous Mess

I wish my husband knew how badly he has set me back. I’m 6 months pregnant with a beautiful little boy on the way but all I can think about is how to look like those girls, or rather how I’ll never look like those girls and always be fat and ugly. Then I think about my son and feel guilty for blaming my weight gain and stretchmarks on him when it isn’t his fault and I love him more than anything. I cry everyday while he’s away at work and pretend that every thing is perfect while he’s here. I don’t know how much more I can take. Since I’ve got prenatal depression already I’m extremely worried about postpartum depression. Things are even worse as I do not and have never spoke up to anyone about my depression or eating disorders. I tried to tell my mother about my depression once, she carried on her normal business and didn’t care. I told my husband while we were dating about my bulimia, he laughed at me because he thought it was such a stupid secret and didn’t care either. I had to force myself into recovery and grow off of him making me feel confident and prettier. All that has gone to hell now knowing what he really thinks of my fat ass. I have no one, no one at all to lean on but myself and I don’t have anything good to tell myself.